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I Hurt My Husband and I Want Him Back – Tips and Advice That May Help
I recently heard from a wife who felt that the state of her marriage was all her fault. Some destructive behaviors, bad judgments and indiscretions caused her husband a lot of trouble. The husband was so hurt and upset, that he wasn’t sure he wanted to get married anymore. The threat of losing her husband makes this wife realize that she truly loves her husband and does not want to lose him. She realized now that she was taking him for granted. But the husband was so angry and withdrawn, that the wife feared she would lose her husband forever.
She wanted my advice on how to get her husband back and fully commit to her when she hurt him so much. I will tell you what I told her in the next article.
Make sure your husband understands how sorry you are and don’t make unreasonable excuses for your behavior: Sometimes, I suspect this goes without saying, but I hear from many spouses who tell me that their partner does not regret their actions. It is so important that you swallow your pride, sit your partner down and tell them truly and sincerely how sorry you are. You know you hurt them deeply, love them dearly, and follow up with these words that will eventually let them know how sincere you really are.
And, don’t make excuses for your behavior or blame your husband in any way. It will only dig a deeper hole. He will respect you more if you make up for what you did, apologize, and then start following through on your promises.
Settle for small wins. Don’t push too early: It is very tempting to want to apologize immediately. This is because knowing that he might lose it is painful and scary. But, he often needs some time to calm down and process his feelings. You will appear to be more empathetic and he will generally perceive you more positively if you give him some patience and time. In fact, it never hurts to stress that you love him and don’t want to add to his burden by pushing him to do something he’s not ready to do.
People often shy away from giving time and space to their partner out of fear. They worry that if they give it time, the husband will decide that whatever happened is a deal breaker and leave. But, they don’t realize that he might resent your impatience and his sense of pressure will lead to his negative perceptions that you can’t afford it right now.
You are much better off limiting your demands and settling for only small wins and positive outcomes. Give your husband the momentum and be thankful for a little progress. Know that this may take some time, but be willing to give your partner the time they need. If you continue to make him more and more comfortable, you are building a strong foundation and friendship.
Try to keep things light-hearted and not full of pressure and stress. You essentially want to leave each encounter on a positive note so that you both want to repeat the process.
When the time is right, offer your husband a workable plan: If you’ve been successful in communicating how sorry you are and you’ve begun to re-establish good communication and trust, tread very carefully when you ask your husband for his commitment and assurances. You want to make sure that you don’t show and tell him how things will be different. You need to show him the exact person that you promised him.
It is not enough to tell him that you are going to change and that your marriage can improve so that you are both happy. Your behavior and your new actions should show him this. Otherwise, he will be very reluctant to believe any plan you propose. You will have to show him over time that you are not going anywhere, that you will keep your promises, and that your actions will prove that he will be happier with you without you.
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