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My Husband Wanted The Separation, But Now He’s Constantly Trying To Keep Tabs On Me
I sometimes hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s contradictory behavior during a martial separation. Often, he’s the one who initiates the separation and seems like he almost can’t wait to leave. But while the couple is living apart, suddenly the husband seems to want to keep an eye on the wife or take special interest in her daily activities.
I heard from a wife who said: “My husband has wanted to separate for some time. I tried hard to talk to him, but after listening to him for months I finally gave in and agreed to go. And live with my sister for a while. Being curious, I didn’t expect to hear from him, even though I knew I’d miss him a lot. I’ve only been here for two days. , but now he’s calling me constantly and wants to know what I’m doing. I’ll answer the phone and First he says to me ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory way. True, I’m not doing anything and I tell him so. Why does he ask? He can’t get rid of me fast enough and now he wants to check on me. What? going on?” I will try to answer these questions in the following article.
He might be missing you: Men often imagine all kinds of peace and quiet so that they can think. But, sometimes this is not the reality. Sometimes silence brings loneliness. And then he might wonder if it was a good idea. And he looks around and realizes that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, it would be easy if he told you all of this, but most men won’t. Instead, they’ll call you and do annoying things like ask what or how you’re doing.
He may feel insecure: It is quite common for separated spouses to admit that they at least partially suspect that their spouse may be seeing other people during the separation. Your partner may be acting on this suspicion or simply looking for reassurance, which brings me to my next point.
He is trying to frame your mind: It is normal to have strong suspicions that you are going to resent and resent the partner who initiated the separation. So, he can stay in close touch to know your feelings. He wants to see if your anger is going to drive you away. And he may be feeling some regret for his actions.
To derive some positive results from these troubling questions: I know this is probably very frustrating. But there are some positive signs here. If he doesn’t care at all, he won’t call. If he doesn’t think about you at all and is living and celebrating his freedom, he won’t even call. And this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, which was good news for her.
How to respond when he keeps calling and asking what you’re doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And finally, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know it’s tempting to say something like ‘what do you think I’m doing’? I’m sitting here staring at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home for your stupidity,’ but that’s a bad idea. Because you don’t want to discourage him from reaching you. Instead, you want him to check in and initiate contact with you. So, as hard as it is, try to sound as enthusiastic as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is also the wrong call, because it causes pain and makes him want to avoid you. Having said that, you don’t want to sound like you’re sitting by the phone waiting for his call. You want to know that you have a lot of self-respect.
An appropriate response might be something like: “Not much. I’m just spending some time with my sister. We’ll probably go out to dinner later. What are you doing?”
Note that I was lighthearted and turned the question to him. And I pointed out the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. By asking what he’s doing, you’re leaving it open for him to share his feelings. He may say that he is not doing anything because he is alone. Or he could say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is don’t engage him and ask him why he is calling you with his stupid questions. Try to stay positive as this is actually a good sign. It means he’s interested and reaching out. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives, let alone worry about their experiences or feelings.
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