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Starting Again, But Where Are My Friends?
Have you ever changed schools, moved home, left one job for another, and realized that in doing so you’re starting over and leaving all your friends behind? Going to university, getting divorced, moving on are often exciting times, but they can also be scary.
Even if we consider many factors, the impact on our friendship groups may be something we don’t fully appreciate until later down the line.
Yet starting over can be an intimidating time; We must learn where everything is, where we should be, what we should do. There can be a lot to remember and doing these things alone can make everything too difficult. Not having a friendly, familiar face to share a coffee and chat with can make the first few self-conscious months very painful and lonely.
Friends can be a source of comfort and security, a hug in times of distress. But true friends also care enough to give us a nudge when we need it, encourage us to push on and move forward, instead of making us feel sorry for ourselves for too long.
Here are some tips for when we start over and ask, ‘Where are my friends?’
– Pay attention to yourself. Resuming may mean that others have already formed their friendship groups. If you’re the new kid on the block, it’s important not to be desperate to make friends. Pay attention to yourself. You may have faced tough times on your way to a fresh start or felt insecure about leaving home for the first time. The thought of trying to get up, get dressed, and get up can be excruciating.
– Start by being kind to yourself And commit to healthy eating, regular sleep, and plenty of fresh air. There are times when you were the new kid first so remind yourself that things will work out in the end.
– This can be a good first step Going into the house portion is as you find your feet. Other residents may be in the same situation as you and therefore you are able to provide mutual support to each other. A home share can offer some security: there is often someone nearby to talk to, as well as be available for friendship. Or moving in with family or friends can ease financial pressures and provide a temporary buffer.
– Some conditions are already favorable for meeting new friends. Shared accommodation, work, special interest groups, parent associations can provide convenient ways to meet and connect. But for others having no friends and starting over requires effort and identifying places where kindred spirits can go. Joining a gym, dance class, using public transport, even walking the dog at regular times means bumping into the same people on a regular basis. A friendly smile or nod of recognition can slowly develop into a comfortable conversation and potential friendship.
– Stay in touch With your old circle of friends through social media, web, WhatsApp groups and regular calls. Even if you feel left out or a little uncomfortable at the time, keep in touch and find ways to stay interested in each other’s lives. Maybe schedule regular calls for a proper chat so you can settle down over a drink and keep in close touch, especially in the beginning.
– Create invitations. Be patient, try and start by suggesting coffee and a chat. If money is a factor, you can invite them over for dinner, a pamper evening, or a play night. Don’t take it personally and instead be interested in meeting new people, learning about them and their lives.
– Familiarize yourself gradually What is happening locally? If you hear something interesting or of general interest, why not suggest a few people in your new circle to move out temporarily? It’s a great way to get to know people.
– Accept invitations. Don’t prejudge what you like or how ‘everyone else’ will feel. Go along, relax and do something different in their company for a few hours. You may choose to never repeat the experience again, but still, you’ve made some new contacts.
– Thoughts for help. It can be tempting to fall into a ‘don’t want to be a nuisance or a burden’ mentality, but asking for help can build bridges to new relationships. Being private and coping with your insecurities quietly to yourself can be misinterpreted as being unwilling to share with others or even friendless. Keep your own advice but be open to adding and letting others in.
Starting over can be challenging, but being relaxed, friendly and interested is enough to ensure that before long you’ll have established yourself with plenty of new friends to enjoy.
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