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What Do Men Value in a Fairytale Marriage? A Big Factor Is Touch!
Pay close attention to this topic. Underline it, highlight it in pink and put three stars next to it. Nonverbals go a long way with men. Touch and action are the way to his heart.
My TV co-host is a man who runs a counseling and training camp for men. He works with husbands and lovers who feel a lack of depth in their relationships or have self-esteem issues. His advice to women on the show is like gold. He brought forward the very important element of touch.
“When a woman grabs her husband by the belt and pulls him close, it’s dynamite! Every nerve in this man is going to go off, and everything she’s saying to him at that moment is highlighted in neon! When a woman touches a man, his body and The mind reacts and feels an instant connection with us. It’s an art that many women forget to use.”
Usually women are too busy using their words to communicate and men forget how powerful the sense of touch is. Running your finger down his neck while he’s cooking, wrapping your arms around his waist, whispering in his ear are all shortcuts to his feelings for you. It can reconnect the two of you faster than words for the simple reason that men respond more to action. Why is sex so good for men? It is a physical action and carries more weight than words. Women are more responsive to romantic phrases or telling her how beautiful she is. Again… this is a difference between the sexes.
The next time your man is engrossed in the newspaper, iPad, or television, don’t say a word, just walk behind him and run your fingers lightly over his shoulder, maybe giving a light squeeze at the end. See what happens. He may look up in wonder or “What’s that for?” Just smile flirtatiously over your shoulder and move on. Silence can be powerful when touch speaks. Touch his wrist while talking to him. If he has a surprise on his mind, it will draw his attention back to you. Lean in the car and nuzzle his ear or kiss his neck. A playful swat on his rear sends a signal that you like his body.
• Mark*, 34, accountant. “One day my wife walked into the kitchen where I was making sandwiches. She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, pulled me up to her face and looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘Have I told you today that I think you’re drop-dead sexy?’ She kissed me, let me go, and left, saying, “Bye-bye. I’m going to get the groceries,” and headed out the door. I almost fell. It was an amazing experience and very unexpected. I waited for her for the rest of the day and night.”
I know what you’re thinking and you’d be right. Touching him has a good chance of getting his motor racing. If you’re not in the mood for sex, be careful where you touch him. It’s no good messing around if you don’t have a plan to follow through. If he becomes more aggressive and you are not ready to take things further, whisper in his ear that “patience is a virtue” and “good things come to those who wait”. Kiss him lightly and whisper, “Later.” It will be buzzing all day.
I have interviewed over 2,000 men on all topics related to relationships; Up to thirty years from the first date of marriage. “What do you respond to, words or actions?” The overwhelming response to this was “action or touch”. This is not rocket science. If you look at what men are attracted to, it’s obvious that action wins at a gab fest. You’ll find kids playing with each other, up to their elbows in motor oil, conquering the BBQ grill, playing video games, and arm wrestling. How are they wired? Women constantly mess up by trying to force men to relate to them on a female level. It doesn’t work and never will. The result is that the two frustrated parties go to their corners to prepare for Round 2 of the debate.
Let’s come at it another way: What makes you connect with your man? Is there a romantic gesture like flowers, cards or dinner? Maybe his words give you a warm tug in your stomach. “You look so beautiful tonight,” will make any woman feel special and really connect with him in that moment. But the men… now all together… are different! Words are fine, and we all love to be complimented, but men respond to actions and touch. Massages, foot rubs, running fingers through his hair, trailing fingertips over his skin all make him feel pampered and appreciated. Men have said that the feeling of touch can relieve the stress of a long workday and center him. Pretty powerful stuff. And just a side note here — if you give him a compliment when you touch him, the effect will be equal to fireworks.
When two people connect on levels that matter to them (men with actions, women with words) they form a bond. Continuing to flirt in marriage will keep the romantic fire burning. When a guy feels like you want him in a physical way (like grabbing his leash and pulling him to you) he’ll literally climb mountains, swim in piranha-infested waters, and take on 12 burly linebackers to make you happy. Denying him confirmation that you love his masculinity and his male needs will make you feel broken. Doesn’t a feast sound so good?
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