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Tips for Writing a Sympathy Message

One day is often like another, until we learn that someone we know or a relative of someone we know has died. Suddenly our day takes on a new dimension and the routine we were following is disrupted. We are greeted by the death of someone outside our family: it stops us in our tracks and we redirect our energies for a while to support that family. And yet wanting to help and sympathize and mourn, we don’t know what to say. We are shocked by the news and want the family to know you are thinking of them, but don’t know what the ‘right’ thing is.

Perhaps the reason why we feel challenged to find the ‘right’ word has to do with the fact that in our society death is treated with great sadness and fear and the topic rarely comes up for discussion in normal conversation. So when someone dies, we are confused because we don’t really know how the other person feels – we only know how we feel. And this is the starting point of your sympathy message.

Writing your own condolence message

The best sympathy message is the one you write yourself because it comes from your heart. Here are some tips on how to write a condolence letter or letter, follow these steps:

1. Take a few minutes to think about how you feel and write down what is happening for you right now.

2. Write down what the loss of this person means to you, what you loved about that person, and how they brought light to your life.

3. If you wish, think about what you can support the family at this time. It can help practically e.g. Offering to cook or buy a meal, or it could be an offering of prayers, thoughts, and love—whatever you’re happy to do.

4. Now write this condolence message in a letter or card that you can send, starting with expressing your grief for their loss.

You say it doesn’t have to be long. You say that is enough. When people are in a state of sadness and grief, they are closer to their own feelings, and this space between them increases their sensitivity to what is being said. That is why it is better to write your own sympathy message, which is genuine and comes from your heart. You may find this challenging to do – and this written endorsement can be one of the most loving gestures you can make for someone.

Ten sympathy messages are ready for your use

Here are some sympathy words that are ready to use as is in your personal sympathy message or as inspiration for what you have to say. Expressing sadness and grief comes from the heart, so use the sympathy message that works best for you.

• My heart goes out to you because you lost the name Add. I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling and sending you so much love and light.
• I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers at this time.
• Add the name on Prakash’s car. They are free from this physical world and are still with you in spirit. Know that their love for you continues and that your loving friends are here to support you now.
• I am very sorry to hear this Add namehas passed away. I remember him/her very fondly and treasure my memories.
• I am sorry to hear that Add namehas died I can’t imagine what you are going through right now, but I want you to know Add nameMeant a lot to me – he was a true inspiration in my life and I will miss him too.
• Thanks for letting me know that Add namehas died I hope you find comfort in knowing that their physical suffering is over and that he/she is back in a place of pure loving kindness.
• I am very shocked and heartbroken to hear your sad news. There are no words to express what I’m feeling right now and I can’t imagine how you feel after such a shock. Add name Had such a beautiful soul and loved so much by everyone that he/she will be missed by all. I want you to know that if you need a shoulder to cry on or help to get through this, I’m here. You are all constantly in my thoughts and I send you lots of love.
• Please let me know if I can help in any way – I’d be happy to help with cooking/shopping/picking up the kids from school/doing the laundry/cleaning the house/(delete as appropriate and/or insert your own suggestion here.
• I just heard it Add name Died earlier this year. I’m sorry it took so long for this news to reach me and wish I could have been there for you. This news came as a shock and I wanted to let you know that I think a lot of you and would love to arrange for us to meet when you are ready to do so. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you beyond sending you lots of love, because that goes without saying.
• Thanks for taking the time to let me know Add namehas died I am truly sorry to hear of your loss and am writing to say that sadly I will not be able to attend the funeral on the date listed. I will be thinking of you all, and am enclosing a check for your collection.

I hope these words are helpful to you and inspire your message of compassion.

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