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The Search for Meaning When A Loved One Dies

Meaning affects everything we do; And equally important affects the body as evidenced by many examples of mind-body connections, such as the placebo effect. The meaning of death is not always easy to find, and sometimes it is hard to find.

However, finding meaning when a loved one dies is how we cope with our loss and reinvest in life. As the Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology, puts it, “Most things are durable because of meaning–perhaps everything.”

It is useless to seek meaning in the beginning of our suffering; First give yourself time to express feelings and review the relationship. Finally, do your best to find meaning in your loss. Here are seven thoughts that provide meaning for others after the death of a loved one and may help you in your own search.

1. Meaning derived from the belief that there is a spirit world. Many people have reported experiences that have convinced them that there is a spirit world and an afterlife. A near-death experience (NDE) has been reported by over 8 million people who have walked through a tunnel, seeing others who have gone before them, and a beautiful white light.

Others, who were grieving the death of a loved one, experienced dreams, visions, and various synchronic and symbolic phenomena, called extraordinary experiences (EEs). These events gave them comfort and enough proof to believe that their loved ones lived in another existence. This had a major impact on his grief work.

2. Meaning derived from the celebration of life lived. This may include dedications, commemorations, carrying out specific traditions or doing volunteer work in honor of the deceased. Some survivors have started support groups or offered support to new bereaved people in their communities based on their needs.

3. Meaning derived from the belief that there is heaven and hell. Many people who are grieving are comforted by their belief that their loved ones are in heaven with God. Also, many people embrace the doctrine of the Communion of Saints, where they can pray to their loved ones and ask them to intercede with God for them.

4. The meaning created by the belief that love never dies. Those who receive contact from a deceased loved one or divine figure interpret it as an act of love. Their love for the deceased continues as they reinvest in life and establish new, healthy, but different relationships. Feeling love and giving love when hurt is a little used but very effective tool.

5. Meaning derived from the belief that one day the deceased will be reunited. People who believe in an afterlife, heaven, or achieve EE, are often convinced that they will see their loved one again when they die. They have no fear of death and reinvest their energies in their present lives.

6. Meaning derived from the belief that the loved one is still providing comfort, care and support. “Even after death he/she is still giving and caring,” is the thought of many who feel the presence of their loved one while grieving. This is a profound example for them.

7. Meaning derived from the belief that the deceased is whole and healthy in a separate existence. Most post-death contacts that are bereaved experiences show the loved one being whole and healthy again. They are grateful that the beloved is no longer in pain.

Obviously, individual mourners have many ways to find meaning in the death of their loved ones, helping them integrate their loss into their lives. Much depends on personal beliefs, the nature of the relationship with the deceased, and the manner of death. The search for meaning is an important part of grief work for most, and it often becomes a time when we are open to reviewing our worldviews and beliefs about life and death.

Sometimes trying to make sense of death seems futile. For example, how do you find meaning in the death of a four-month-old child (this happened to me)? I was eventually able to agree with him. Still, it’s helpful to explore the cause of the experience and make sense of it with a trusted friend or relative. We need others to be with us when we are suffering. Find the right person as you try to understand your loss.

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