What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20 Seven Myths About Male Infidelity I Wish I Knew When I Found Out My Husband Was Cheating

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Seven Myths About Male Infidelity I Wish I Knew When I Found Out My Husband Was Cheating

1. Only jerks have affairs.

In fact, the opposite is true in most situations. One thing we often hear from cheating wives is how shocked they would be if others found out about their husband’s affair. Often he is a nice guy having an affair. He is a man who helps everyone in the neighborhood and at work, and is also a pillar in his church or synagogue. One who no one would believe would do such a thing. It’s usually their ‘nice guy’ nature that makes them fall in love in the first place. Since they are naturally kind and considerate, affairs often start when a married man is helping or being kind to her when he meets her.

 

2. Men who have affairs do not love their wives.

In most cases a married man still loves his wife very much (and she with him) and has no intention of leaving his wife or family for another woman. Married men who find themselves having an affair often discover, after discovering the affair and revealing their level of dysfunction to a therapist, that they have paranormal potential. This means they are able to keep different parts of their lives in separate compartments in their minds. Wife and family in one compartment and another wife and affair in another compartment. By keeping them separate in his mind he is able to avoid guilt and shame and continue to love his wife and still continue with the other woman because they do not cross paths in his mind at all.

 

3. Men tend to have affairs with women who are prettier, younger, smarter or thinner than their wives.

It is often believed that a man has chosen a superior partner over an unfaithful wife. In most cases it is quite the opposite. Men will often “down the affair” by choosing a partner who is inferior to their wife in all areas. To begin with there is a drawback. A woman who has it all doesn’t need to settle for less. She will not tolerate having a dirty secret in anyone’s life. So where does the attraction come from? At first it comes from being somewhat different from the other woman’s wife. It could be that she is more outgoing where the wife is reserved or is a career woman and the wife is a stay at home mom. The temptation to do something else available and willing tends to overlook the shortcomings of the other woman. Real seduction comes from stroking the other woman’s ego in casual conversation. Finally, sexual attraction blossoms through the frank and open sexual conversation of another woman or her allowing a married man to do so. It opens the door to forbidden sex.

 

Most men will tell you after the affair is revealed, and it’s time to come out of what’s known as “the fog,” that they weren’t as in love with the other woman as they were. How did they feel? Another woman will often pick up strategic cues on a married man’s dissatisfaction with his wife and marriage and make herself the direct opposite. For example, if a man says that his wife is too controlling or too controlling, the other woman should never question or ask him to do anything other than what he is in that moment – often at the expense of her own wants and desires.

 

For many married men there is an unconscious element where they will choose women who will not compete with their wives in their own minds. Women they know they can’t love but can certainly lust after.

 

4. Men leave their wives for other women or divorce after the affair is discovered.

The truth is, only three percent of men have an affair with an affair partner. Again, the affair partner is often not the type of woman he wants as a life partner. sexual partner, yes; Spouse, no. So even if the search ends in divorce, the other woman is often discarded, and often suddenly, because she becomes a symbol for his shameful behavior that destroys everything he loves and holds dear.

 

5. Men are fully aware of what they are doing and all the consequences when having sex with them.

Most cases are a different form of addiction. Like drug addicts or gambling addicts, affairs become a secret world of deception and take on a life of their own like any other addiction. Men get caught up in affairs and often find themselves in situations where they see the destruction they are causing but don’t know how to stop it. And if they stop, they get pulled back into it just like any other addiction. It’s not the person they’re addicted to, it’s a world of ego-strokes, forbidden sex, and illusions where there are no demands of everyday life. It’s an escape from reality, just like an alcoholic or a crack addict. And like other addictions, the abuser loses their objectivity and ability to see the destruction they are creating. They build walls of denial and deception that take years to tear down. When caught, most men will say that they never expected to get hurt because they never expected to get caught. In other words, they never thought about the consequences of being caught.

 

6. Men actively seek out affair partners.

Many men are not actively looking for affairs or affair partners. At least not on a conscious level. They really “just happen,” or at least they do in their minds. At that point they don’t realize how vulnerable they are to another woman’s attention. They don’t realize the damage to their self-esteem, and when a woman comes around and starts posturing herself in a confident role with a stroke of ego, men who aren’t in touch with their own emotional health bite them hard. The bait will in turn attract the attention of a married man to another woman who has no self-respect. The affair soon begins with both sides feeding the arrogant beast. This explains why we see so many successful male relationships at risk. Our society has taught men that it is weak to examine and connect with their emotions. Climbing the ladder of success or meeting the needs of everyday life can trigger chain reactions of past and present emotions. When those feelings are stuffed, there is an insidious decline in self-esteem and self-worth. Once they reach a certain threshold, men begin to seek an escape from their reality without realizing that they are seeking it.

 

You will often hear from married men and other women that they didn’t plan for it to happen and it “just happened”. It really wasn’t. The birth of each chapter is almost a formulaic process. It all stems from a lack of self-esteem on both sides, unresolved emotional issues, and a yearning to escape from reality. Unfortunately, deliverance often goes out of the frying pan and into the fires of delusion, denial, and addiction.

 

7. Most marriages end when the affair is discovered.

There aren’t really any statistics on this because most couples decide to keep the infidelity a secret if they reconcile. We see a large number of infidelity mavens reconciling these “kept secret” marriages and think the percentage of marriages reconciled after the affair is discovered is very high. In fact, marriages can not only be repaired, but they can be better than ever after an affair. If the partner in the affair is willing to be open and honest and willing to let go of their “addiction,” the marriage has a fighting chance. There are many more steps to “better than ever,” but at the very beginning, openness and a willingness to reconcile both the unfaithful spouse and the betrayed spouse make a big difference.

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