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My Boyfriend Said He Would Propose On My Birthday But Now He’s Changed His Mind – Why?
I sometimes hear from women who are very disappointed because they were hoping they would be engaged now and they are not. Often, their lover has led them to believe that a commitment is imminent, but it is not.
I heard from a woman who said: “We’ve been dating for about fourteen months and things have gone amazingly well. We’re very much in love. My birthday is coming up in two weeks. We’ve been talking about it for the past few months. Getting engaged and I got a Got the ring. He asked me what style I like and we had a long conversation about it. We talked about what kind of wedding we wanted and started ticking off the time of year. When we wanted to get married. He told his parents and I told myself. Everyone seemed so excited. I even bought a few bridal magazines and started talking to my boyfriend about who he would like at our wedding. A few days ago, I was at the mall and I passed by a jewelry store window. I found the most perfect ring in our price range. So I took a picture of her with my phone because I wanted to show it to my boyfriend so he could get it for my birthday. However, when I His face fell when he showed it to him. He was obviously very upset. Asked him what was wrong and assured him that it was in our price range but I said that if he would draw the ring himself that would be fine too. He looked at me and said it wasn’t really about the ring but he wasn’t proposing on my birthday. He said he wasn’t ready yet, even though he assured me he wanted to marry me. Now I am confused as to what went wrong. We didn’t fight. There don’t seem to be any new issues. Everything was going as usual and then, out of the blue, he just changes his mind. Why would he do that? And what can or should I do about it?”
There are actually many reasons why a person might change their mind about a proposal or commitment. And many of these reasons have nothing to do with your relationship or his feelings for you, which I’ll discuss below.
All the planning and excitement about the engagement may be putting pressure on him, and so reluctantly: This situation is not unusual. Many men see you buying bridal magazines and planning a wedding that they thought was too far away. And now, suddenly it looks like you’re planning it in the very near future. Suddenly, he realizes that the future may be closer than he thought, and it makes him feel a little uneasy. Some men consider approaching their girlfriends about his concerns, but he sees your excitement and doesn’t want to disappoint you so he doesn’t say anything until the situation escalates to the point where he decides to delay things until he gets the situation under control.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you as much anymore. He may feel that proposals and commitments have become more of a focus than what matters most – and that is your love and your relationship. I have heard many men say that they feel that the ring or engagement is more important to their girlfriends than the relationship. And this can become a problem because he may wonder if he has been manipulated.
How to handle when he wants to postpone a commitment or engagement: Many women in this situation want to know how to change his mind. They want that ring on schedule. It was understandable that this particular woman wanted to find a way to get to the right mall for him and get that ring in time for her birthday. And, she was not wrong to think so. But, if she focused her attention here, her lover would see that the ring was more important to her than his worries. The harder it is to pull your attention away from your timeline and the ring, the more you should do the same. Because by doing this, you can ensure that you will eventually get the ring. But if you handle it wrong, you risk never getting it.
The best thing to do is to show compassion and care. You want to make it clear that your main concern is for him, not the ring. You want to make it clear that your happiness and comfort is your main concern. You want to make it clear that he and your relationship are the most important variable to you – more important than your birthday or even an engagement or a ring.
I know this is a difficult strategy. But do you know the good news? This will likely lead to you eventually getting the ring, and when you do, he will willingly give it to you because he knows the relationship is just as important to you as the ring.
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