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Three Effective Grief Tools To Use During The Holidays
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special days always add an extra sense of remembering after a loss. I experienced the loss of my boyfriend last month. Add to that it’s my father’s birthday and next month is his death anniversary. Two heroes of my life.
As a grief coach, all of this put me in a place of “practicing what I preach.” I will share with you some of the tools that have helped me reach a place of peace and fulfillment. Please remember that it is normal and natural to feel sad after a significant loss (death, divorce, separation, relationship, job, money, etc.). Don’t skip this important step in your grief journey. There is another side, but it is the only way through this desert of sorrow. Also, know that no one can tell you how to grieve because there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no one can truly know or understand the relationship you share with your loved one.
Here are three tools that I not only use for my grief coaching clients, but have worked effectively for me:
- Find an activity where you can give back. I volunteered Thanksgiving Day at a nursing/rehab center and I cannot express in words the joy and fulfillment this experience brought me. I honestly felt like I really should have been here at that time. I watched the Thanksgiving Day Parade on television with a 98-year-old resident who didn’t want to leave. I visited another resident who happily shared the miracle of her recovery and found out she was a neighbor, which revealed a new friend. As they both made endless expressions about me, I found myself saying thank you to them. I left the facility feeling like I was walking on air. Not to minimize my loss, but give me a lot of gratitude for where I was during that time.
- Don’t feel obligated to do something you don’t want to do. It’s okay to say “no”. Yes, family members and friends were concerned and invited me for dinner. After thinking about how to say no, I practiced what I preach and thanked them for the invitation, but I wouldn’t be joining them. Don’t regret it. True family and friends will understand. Remember, they are only trying to help.
- write a letter. Another effective grieving activity I recommend is letter writing. If the loss is due to death, write a letter to your loved one. End the letter with “good bye” and sign it. This will help if you are having trouble accepting loss and it is preventing you from moving on and moving forward.
I cannot stress enough to you that the sooner you accept that your life will never be the same, the sooner you can start moving forward with your “new life”. I recommend grief coaching, support groups, or professional help if you need it. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. “The hardest part of any journey is taking the first step, but you must keep taking steps.”
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