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How Do I Communicate With My Loved One Who Has Alzheimer’s Disease?

Good communication can reduce or prevent many behavioral problems. The number one tip to remember is to treat your loved one like an adult. A person with a disease is not a sick person. There is a whole history of his life that stays with him on this journey. It will retain many of its previous characteristics. If it was put back before, it may be more now. If he has high energy/anxiety, he can be really busy. Or, his personality may change completely.

All people’s feelings need to be validated. A person with Alzheimer’s disease is no different. In fact, due to memory loss and vulnerability issues, he or she may need it even more. Example: Your father with Alzheimer’s is often angry with your husband. They have had a great relationship since you got married, but now your father blames him for everything. As hard as it is, remember that dementia is talking, not your father. You can say, “I don’t blame you for being angry,” and then move on. What he feels is true for him, even if it is not accurate. You may need to train your husband as well. Let him know that this action is not against him personally, it is the nature of the illness and… “this too shall pass.”

Individuals with Alzheimer’s disease respond well to affirmations. When they do anything, no matter how insignificant it is to you, praise them with a “good job, thank you.” Be honest, they are sensitive to the way they behave.

When starting a conversation, introduce yourself. If your loved one says “I know who you are,” smile or say something funny. When you speak, slow down and use short, simple sentences. Ask one question at a time. Allow sufficient time for response. Yes/no questions are best. Maintain eye contact while speaking. Lower the tone of your voice; A high pitch can be interpreted as anger. Eliminate distracting noise. Turn off the TV or radio or go to another room to talk. Smile and be pleasant. Use touch to get attention, (hand on shoulder, hand on knee, hand on hand, their hand, etc.). When he or she is upset and you can’t communicate, hug your loved one. This non-verbal gesture works. Soon the anger will be forgotten and you can try again.

Be aware of body language. A sudden change in position from sitting to standing may indicate a need to go to the bathroom or some type of discomfort. Be aware of your body language. Have fun and try not to look stressed. Don’t argue. Do not give orders to the person around you. Don’t be depressed. Don’t ask too many questions. Do not talk about your loved one as if he is not there. You never know how aware he is.

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