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Taking the Father: Sperm Donor Children and Family Constellations
Life is what happens
When you are busy
Making other plans.
Whether through body to body encounter, in-vitro fertilization, surrogate mother or sperm donor father, the union of sperm cell and ovum results in a baby. Families now come in all shapes and sizes. However, a child still needs a biological father and a biological mother.
In most cases we can tell a child that he was conceived through love (even in a test tube), but not with a sperm donor father. At some point in their lives, a child will ask about their biological father; In “The Kids Are All Right”, fifteen-year-old Lazer asks his eighteen-year-old sister, Joni, to contact their sperm donor father; He wants to meet him but is not old enough to approach him himself.
Joni and Lesser and their mothers Jules and Nick are a close knit loving family. The children are fine; Adults are going through some issues of their own at this point in their lives. Enter “Venus the Giver,” Mark. Initially taken aback by the request, he agrees to meet his biological children and they slowly begin to bond, much to the mother’s distress.
From a family horoscope perspective, each person has a unique energy field that changes and fluctuates depending on their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. This area is first and foremost deeply connected to the family. And family includes all members including biological/sperm donor parents. When a family member is excluded, like a donor father, there is a void in the family’s energy field. The child is both parents – in this case we’ll add an extra mother to the picture – when he or she is asked to exclude one of them (by never mentioning it) or, frankly, the child’s soul is troubled and attempts to remedy it. Lifetime situations in very creative ways. The complete information of the excluded parent is included in their energy field, it is encoded in their DNA at the level of genetic memory, and it does not matter if they have never met the biological parent.
“Taking” the father in family constellations means taking him as he is, no strings attached. For example, when we breathe, we take in all the air; We cannot be selective about not inhaling pollution or microbes. We can try not to breathe and become selective, but as a result we cease to exist. So “taking in Pita” would equate to taking a deep breath and taking in all the air around me. Maybe it’s not the best air quality and maybe its pollution can be harmful; But breathing is certainly better than not breathing. If I stop breathing, I will die, and if I breathe shallowly, I will get sick.
So when a father, even a sperm donor, gives his genes, he gives all he has, and you can’t say, “I’ll take the sperm and leave the rest.” To receive the Father is to receive all that life gives when life comes to you through this particular person, giving and honoring the giver. Granted, when a man donates his sperm, he doesn’t want to meet his offspring at a later date. We are talking here from the perspective of the energy sector.
Here are some tips for incorporating a sperm donor father into a family arrangement:
Be prepared for this moment. Every time you look at your baby, child, youth, teenager, adult, visualize the sperm donor father behind him. A good phrase to repeat internally would be: “With your help I was able to bring this child to life. It was a great gift, I see you and honor you as the biological father of my child.”
- To the child: “I have chosen him to be your biological father. I favor you knowing him if you wish. I honor him in you.”
A father might say:
- To the child: “I’m glad to know you. You have a place in my heart as my son. You can take me as your father. I honor your mother in you and I’m grateful for everything she did to keep you alive. And well.”
- To mom (or movie moms): “I’m grateful that you chose me as your biological father, and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done to help me conceive this child. Look at me amicably if we find out now. Each other.”
A child might say:
- To the father: “I take with love what you have given me.”
- To mother/mothers: “Dear mother, look friendly if I take my father. You chose him for me. I will always be your child.”
In the film, Lazer looks longingly at his friend’s rough housing with his father. Later, when Mark (Venus the donor) is with; He develops the inner strength to break up with an abusive friend, something his mother wanted him to do. The film does not have a happy ending and I cannot elaborate on all the points here.
Will Johnny and Lazer’s “Taking the Father” solve their problems? Probably not; They’ve met him, and now they can decide where they want to go from here with a relationship that will streamline their family arrangements. To “take” the father does not mean that they have cultivated a relationship with him; Children can be satisfied knowing who He is.
“The Kids Are All Right,” Lisa Cholodenko, 2010 film.
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#Father #Sperm #Donor #Children #Family #Constellations