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When Things Go Wrong – Overcoming Adversity

As I sit here thinking about what to write for this article, I look back at the articles I’ve written over the year and feel the need to write about overcoming adversity. Most of my articles are very positive and focus on the upside, but what about the downside? What about when things go ‘wrong’? It’s easy to stay positive when things are going well. It’s easy to have a great attitude when everything is going well. What about when everything is going wrong from every angle in every area of ​​your life? What if the hits just keep coming no matter what you do?

A few months ago I had a ‘challenging’ period. I didn’t call it ‘challenging’, but I used a much stronger word! However, unless you are very close to me, no one knows about it. I didn’t talk about it, I didn’t whine about it, I didn’t complain about it, I didn’t make excuses for it. I did nothing about it. This is because I try and embrace the following principles:

Drama will never speak

That first key. Write down everything you say today. Did you talk about the right things? Are you focused on the good? You know the type of people who always complain?… It’s definitely not you!… But you know those people?… You ask ‘How are you?’ You don’t want to do bad things at work etc. Speak up and give the energy and strength you need do desired

The phrase I say to myself is: “Either change it, or accept it, but for goodness sake stop whining about it.” So if it was not in my power to change it, I had to accept it and let it go.

Sounds simple… three words… “Let it go”. Doing this can be challenging at times. If you’re just going to complain about it, obsess about it, stress about it, cry about it, let it go! It serves no purpose! In my case I had to give up many things, including goals that were very important to me. I felt like a ‘failure’. I felt powerless, depressed, and as if it all meant nothing. But I also knew that I was choosing to experience those things. I know I don’t like thinking and feeling like that, so I changed it. It was challenging, but there was a choice, and I chose to take responsibility and change my thinking, so I could change my reality. This causes…

reframe

Reframing is an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) concept and basically advocates reframing your situation, so you see it from a different perspective. You can use context or content reframes.

For example, if my horse gallops me, I can say – “Wouldn’t it have been super if I had raced in the Melbourne Cup? I wonder if I would have won?” Or “Isn’t it great that my horse responds so well to the gentle aids of leg aids?”

I constantly reframe my world to make it happier. Delusional???…. Well maybe, but since we can’t experience reality, and we can only experience the perception of it, why don’t we make ‘reality’ as happy as possible?

Some of the reframes I used last month were:

“Fabulous! I still have a lot of time to work on my website”

– Unusable in my arena and my horse is very sick

“I am the luckiest rider/trainer in the world to have the most amazing training challenge ever”

– In response to my horse being ‘difficult’ to train

Take responsibility for your chosen emotions

say it after me… “Emotion is a choice, emotion is a choice”. Very nice! Emotion is a choice! So I’m not saying don’t be human and don’t have feelings, but I’m saying take responsibility for the choice. I will tell my husband that I am choosing to be a puddle on the floor, or that I am choosing no responsibility, or that I am choosing to be angry. All are choices, but saying I have a choice presupposes that I have the choice to ‘stop’ doing it and choose a different, more resourceful feeling in the future.

growth

Why do problems exist? What is their higher purpose? If you are not ripe and growing, you are dead and rotting. Growing up means pushing you out of your comfort zone. You will make mistakes and you will face difficulties. Nothing was easy to do! Says my Guru “I have a wonderful opportunity to grow right now” For any problem that simply presents itself. The thing is, how do you look at problems when they arise? Do you feel “oh oh” or are you excited?!? Someone pointed this exercise out to me and I encourage you all to try it.

Think of the worst time in your life. Name three incidents that really made you feel down and depressed, where you thought your world had ended. Looking back at the time, it was the best thing that could have happened. For example…

• Getting fired led you to your dream job
• Falling off a horse leads you to the best dressage test ever
• A failed relationship led you to your new partner

Whatever it is, when our world crashes we think it’s just that – a crash! However, looking back, something needed to change in our lives in order to grow and become more.

So there are some keys to managing adversity. But guess what? Sometimes you don’t want to see the bright side, you don’t want to control your emotions, and you don’t want to grow. All you want to do is scream, cry, scream, or crawl into a ball and not face the world. And you know what – it’s okay.

people tell me “Oh you’re a positive success coach you don’t understand!” Hey, I have challenges too! I am human and bad things happen to me just like other people.

Only this… How long will I stay in the ‘Dyalu Bhoomi’? How long can I have a ‘pity party’? My personal rule is one hour. Really, what a waste of time – keep it up. But okay, if you want to shut out the world, keep crying and feeling sorry for yourself. Do it! Do it really well! After that hour, get up and get to it.

As they say “Cry a river, build a bridge and… get over it!”

For your success,

Tash

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