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My Husband Says He Loves Me As the Mother of His Children, But He Doesn’t Love Being With Me

I recently heard from a wife who pressed her husband about how he “really” feels about her. She felt like she needed to ask this question because she couldn’t help but notice how dead things were between them, or how they ignored each other – outside of their children.

So, the wife did not expect her husband to declare his undying and passionate love for her, but she was shocked by what he said. He stated matter-of-factly (without much emotion) that he would always love her because she was the mother of his children and that they would always be connected to them, but, he said, he didn’t love her the way he used to and he certainly didn’t like being with her. .

The wife felt as if she had been slapped. She was not expecting this announcement. She knew things hadn’t been great in the marriage lately, but if her husband had asked her the same question, she would have definitely answered that she still loved him and that she just wanted them to stop walking around and ignoring someone. She wanted things to be the way they were before having another child. That being said, she wouldn’t trade her children for anything in the world.

The strange irony of the whole thing was that the children had brought them closer in many ways. But in many ways, it was something they needed for so long that they began to drift apart as a couple. The wife wanted this “couple time and clones” back. But now, knowing that her husband didn’t love her the way he wanted her to, she wanted to know if it was too late. I didn’t think it was. I will tell you why in the next article.

Not letting her husband’s word stop her from getting what she really wants: The danger in this whole situation, of course, was that the wife would back away from the husband’s choice of words. Those words were very unfortunate and there was no way to take them back. And, the wife had really begun to think about it, and these thoughts risked preventing her from moving forward.

Even though I knew these words hurt her deeply, I wanted her to put it into perspective. Her husband was likely just as tired and frustrated as she was. He probably didn’t really mean the words. He may be going for shock value to try to avoid some reaction or some change. She really had no way of knowing what he really felt, but she knew he was committed to loving her as the mother of his children. And even if she doesn’t understand it, it’s something. Because many men don’t even admit it when they get to this stage. She can use this as a starting point and work from there.

From parents to lovers: It seems that both husband and wife agreed that their marriage was completely different before they became parents. This is very common. I doubt many parents can honestly say they have two or three times as much as they used to. It’s just the reality of caring for someone else who depends on you. And most of the time, both husband and wife are involved because they love their children as much as they love their spouse.

But few people expect or are prepared for the shift that usually occurs as a result. We get so busy talking about our kids and taking care of them and working as a family that we forget to work as a couple. Many parents will resist re-prioritizing because they fear they are alienating their children or being selfish. What they ultimately don’t understand is that one of the best gifts you can give your children is happy parents and the security that a loving, committed family brings.

Not only that, but you’re giving your kids the gift of seeing what healthy marital priorities look like. I asked this wife to ask herself if she wanted her daughter to grow up and put herself lower on the priority list. Did she want her son to be angry and depressed like his father? Showing your children how to focus on both marriage and family will help them find themselves in a happy and fulfilling marriage, which is ultimately what we want for our children.

Now these are nice words, but putting them into action in everyday life can be a challenge, especially when you’ve been told by your husband that he doesn’t love you the way he loves you. It was unrealistic to think that things would go back to passion overnight. But, the wife knew that the husband was not going anywhere in the near future. She had a reasonably captive audience. So, she can definitely focus on spending more time with him. She can listen and laugh more, she can schedule just one trip a week where it’s just the two of them, and she can remember the things and experiences that bonded them in the first place and try to give them back in even the smallest of ways.

I wanted her to be able to hold onto things and be authentic about them. Making changes that only fade away frustrates everyone and eventually makes lasting change more difficult because everyone’s expectations are lowered and rejected. You’re better off focusing on one thing, making it a habit, and then moving on to your next goal. Yes, it’s more gradual, but it’s also more authentic and lasting, and it’s the small changes that can transform a marriage over time.

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