I Let You In When I Should Have Run If My Husband Won’t End His Affair, Should I Just Let It Run Its Course?

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If My Husband Won’t End His Affair, Should I Just Let It Run Its Course?

I sometimes hear from wives who have used various methods to end their husband’s affair. And yet, nothing worked. Either the husband refuses to end the affair, asks for more time to make up his mind, or continues to see another woman despite claiming he won’t.

I often hear women say: “Sometimes, I think I should just move on and let him have his way. Maybe I should let him have his way. Because I’ve tried to end it or force him. And no matter what I do, he Never mind. Is it a good idea to let him have his affair and have the last laugh when it’s over?”

It is difficult for me to answer this question. In my own situation, my husband was ready to end the relationship, so I’m not sure what I would have done (or what tactics I would have been forced to adopt) if he had refused to break it off. I can tell you that I know many wives who were forced to continue the affair because there was no other option. And sometimes, it ultimately works to the wife’s advantage when the affair blows up in the husband’s face and he backs off.

However, I am very clear about the fact that I could not have a marital relationship with my husband while he was having an affair. Because it allows him to have two relationships while you turn a blind eye to the situation. This is just my own opinion. Yours may be different. But I wonder what incentive he would have for you to sit back and let it happen, even if the situation wasn’t your fault.

That’s why I think if you’re going to take this approach, you should make it clear that you’re staying away from the romantic picture while his affair is going on. In other words, if he chooses to pursue it, he can’t be pursuing your marriage (or you) at the same time. So, you’re allowing the matter to run its course (because he hasn’t given you much of a choice), but you’re setting very clear boundaries. And because of these boundaries, he may have an incentive to end the case sooner rather than later.

So how does this work in real life? Well, if you’ve decided that you’re just going to move on and let him continue as he is now, I still think you need to be verbally clear about boundaries, so you can think of a script like: “It’s very clear to me that You are not ready to end the affair now. And that is your choice. But it is my choice that I will not attend our wedding while you are having an affair. Once the affair is over and you cut all contact with her, then we can talk about our marriage. But until then , I can’t engage with you like this. Once you decide you want to participate in our marriage in full faith. Again, then we can discuss this further.”

Note that I did not beg or plead. I didn’t quit. I have not given him a choice. I didn’t make any promises to him about what was going to happen. I was very straightforward and clear. If he is going to continue the affair then he cannot get married at the same time. In this way, the wife is giving him some time to end the affair in a more natural way, but she also lets him know that he will not benefit from the marriage until the affair is over.

As I said, it is only my judgment that I have betrayed myself. It is my belief and experience that your husband should have some incentive to choose fidelity and rehab. And if you’re allowing him to have an affair and get married at the same time, he doesn’t really have that incentive.

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