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3 Step Formula On How To Get a Girlfriend
For the Fast Track version of this article, skip directly to Step 3.
1. Let go of your desire to be a girlfriend.
I think the goal of most guys in this community is just to get a girlfriend. They don’t want to sleep with strippers, they don’t want 5-somethings, they don’t want to date 20 women at once. Sure these things are cool, but at the end of the day they just want a cool woman to be with. However, they don’t just want a girlfriend, they want a girlfriend…
Here’s what’s paradoxical about it… the more you want to be in a relationship, the harder it is to make it happen. This is the dating world’s most counter-intuitive, counter-productive mind screw. There are many reasons why this is so true. For one, the intense desire to be with a certain woman kills your game. maybe you…
– Be needy. This includes calling a lot, wanting to spend a lot of time with her, and generally giving her a lot of attention. She will find it “too, too soon” and panic.
– Be emotional. Maybe you get angry if she doesn’t call you back, if she decides to go clubbing with her friends, or if she cancels plans with you. You might feel jealous if you see her talking to other boys, even looking at other boys.
– Try harder. Since you want her to like you, you can always qualify yourself, try to say and do things to impress her, try not to disagree, and generally try hard to make her like you.
– Read too much into things. You may over-analyze and over-think the most basic things. Say you meet her at a bar and instead of talking to you right away, she goes and talks to her friends for a few minutes. You will panic thinking she doesn’t like you and read too much into the situation.
Overall, when you really want a certain girl to be your girlfriend and she’s 1 of 1 women you’re currently seeing, you’ll find a way to mess it up. So the first thing you should do is get rid of your desire to have a girlfriend. Once you do this, a lot of self-imposed pressure will be lifted off your shoulders and most of your problems attracting women will naturally go away. Again, very counter-intuitive.
Many people will be reading this and will have a very hard time leaving. For those guys, let’s examine this topic further by shedding light on what exactly it means to have a girlfriend…
Getting a girlfriend will not solve your problems
One thing you need to understand is that having a girlfriend will not solve your problems. If you’re feeling anxious, depressed, or just generally unhappy with life, a woman alone won’t make these feelings go away. Don’t get me wrong, the early stages of a relationship are like a strange wave of happiness. Amazing sex, connecting with a woman on a deep level, fun and excitement – it’s all amazing.
But after this honeymoon phase, life comes back to normal… the problems you had before meeting your girlfriend come back to life. It ranges from self-loathing beliefs, problems from your past, worries about the future, etc. Your new girlfriend won’t be able to magically remove these things from your life.
So you should honestly ask yourself if your life is together regardless of women. For example, do you go to the gym regularly? Do you have a really cool group of friends? Do you have interests and hobbies outside of women? Do you have life goals that you are working towards? Is all the BS in your head? If you answered no to any of these questions, having a girlfriend should be the last thing on your mind.
Having a girlfriend can complicate your life
Now that you are in a relationship, you will face many new problems. Remember, when you’re in a relationship, your girlfriend’s problems are your problems. If she’s struggling financially, has drama with her family and friends, and has her own crap going on in her head, you’ll have to deal with that too.
There are always bumps in relationships so you will have to deal with fights, jealousy and all kinds of stress that all couples have to deal with at some level. Often relationships take a lot of hard work and sacrifice on both sides to succeed.
Many people do not consider these things. Are you in a position to handle all these potential stresses? Are you ready to deal with Crazy Uncle Charlie every time you have to accompany her to a family event? Are you willing to give all your time and attention to one woman?
A girlfriend should be the last thing you need right now
If you’re single and inexperienced with women, having a girlfriend should be the last thing on your mind. Don’t get me wrong, this is definitely the ultimate destination for work, but enjoy the ride while you get there.
Having a girlfriend means missing out on meeting other women. If you haven’t been with many women in your past, why do you want to settle for just one now? Enjoy the freedom you have now and experience bachelorhood to the fullest. The last thing you want is to be in a long-term relationship, regretting that you didn’t live it up when you had the chance. This is a loss for both you and your future girlfriend/wife. Women don’t want their boyfriends to fantasize about other women, watch porn, or catch their “wonderful eyes” while at a restaurant. Get this stuff out of your system so that when you finally get a girlfriend, you’ll be sure there’s no woman you want to be with.
You really don’t know what you want in a relationship
If you haven’t had a girlfriend before, chances are you don’t know what you want in a woman. Maybe you think you’re attracted to introverts but when you start dating someone, you think they’re boring. Or maybe you think you’re attracted to exotic women but actually find it hard to spot cultural differences.
Trust me, what you imagine in your head is usually very different from how it is in the real world. The only way to know what you want in a long-term partner is to experience many women for yourself. Once you know what type of woman is best for you, your chances of long-term success in your future relationship are much higher.
2. Learn to be good with women in general
The next step in getting a girlfriend is learning to be nice to women in general. For most kids out there, this is going to take a lot of time and effort. Ignite is basically a step-by-step instruction manual on how to do this. It sounds overly simple, but just follow the TEE directions in that program and you’ll have this step covered. This topic is too big for me to cover in depth in this article.
Basically, you want to put yourself in a position where you see at least 3 women. That means you’re hanging out once, maybe twice a week…
Since you’re seeing different women, you don’t really care how things turn out with any of them. You’re not needy, you’re unpredictable, you don’t give a woman all your time and attention, and you generally just don’t care to be around them. Ironically, this is the mindset that attracts women in the first place.
3. Choose a girlfriend from a handful of women you’ve been seeing casually.
Once you’ve seen a few different women, you’ll be in the best position to enter into a relationship. There are many reasons why this is true…
– You will be able to choose the best woman from the handful you experience.
– You will not be afraid that she will leave you.
– You won’t feel insecure because you’re not enough.
– You won’t feel jealous when she talks to other guys.
– You don’t get too emotional and don’t work on any BS between the two of you.
– You will not be needy or clingy.
– She will respect you because you are acting like a man.
– She will know you can get other women so she won’t take you for granted.
– and on and on….
All this lays a solid foundation for a long-term relationship with the woman you are obsessed with…
Now the question becomes how do you go from seeing a woman casually to being in a relationship with her?
One thing you need to understand is that you shouldn’t push for a relationship in the first place. Your mindset should be: “Right now I’m enjoying the moment as it comes. I’m flirting with her and she looks great. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions so I’ll make up my mind. Take time and let things unfold naturally. If If things keep going great and an opportunity like a relationship presents itself, we’ll see what happens.” The women you date need to sense this excitement from you.
So again, let things flow naturally… meaning don’t consider a relationship until you’ve been on at least 10 dates with her.
This means screening her and making sure she is the type of woman you want to commit to. After the first date, you haven’t met her yet… you’ve met her first date personality. This is very different from how she normally behaves on a day-to-day level. Get to know her more over time and give her the opportunity to do the same. Let time and experience bring you together.
Most people try and lock women down. They don’t see any women, so when someone shows them some attention, they try to protect her. As if they found a butterfly and try to cage it so it won’t go away. This should not be your mindset.
Metaphorically speaking, place an open palm, let the butterfly sit on it, and appreciate every moment as it sits there. If it flies, it flies. When you try to keep the butterfly to yourself and you alone, it will fly away.
Women are much the same. The moment you try and chain her up for a relationship, she will run away. Appreciate each moment and each date as it comes and look no further than that. Don’t want an agenda, women hate it. It is okay for her to leave at any moment and let her decide to stay with you.
So what you have to do is just see the woman once a week. You can call her once, maybe even twice that week. You don’t want to talk on the phone all night like little school girls. For example, call her and say “Hey, remember that crazy guy at work I told you about. You’ll never believe what happened…” Tell a quick story and tell her you have to go. That’s all.
You want to be unpredictable. Call her on a random Tuesday afternoon, then don’t call her for a few days. Then call her on a Saturday afternoon and ask her if she wants to meet in a few hours. She should be waiting for your call and when you should actually excite her.
This shouldn’t be a game. When you are not with her you are seeing other girls on holidays. A lot of people think “yeah… so I shouldn’t call her for two days… great technique Tony!” Then they sit by the phone and hold themselves not to call in the meantime. They are either very excited or very nervous when they call…
If things are going well, hang out twice a week. Again, maybe call her twice this time. Text her at random times to say something funny or interesting. Don’t see every time you text or call as an opportunity to set up a date. Just offer value and be silly…
Then things went three times a week, then finally four. When you’re hanging out four times a week and seeing each other for a few months, it’s inevitable that things will naturally lead to an exclusive relationship. Trust me, if she sees you that much, she wants you as her boyfriend.
In my experience, getting her to the point where she’s dying to be in a relationship with you, then one day laugh and say, “You know what? I’ve decided I’m going to make you my girlfriend… oh yeah. And you have no choice.” Now remember to be super playful about it, but at the same time she needs to know you’re serious. She will be so happy and excited that you two are finally exclusive and she will brag to all her friends that it happened.
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