I Am Strong When I Am On Your Shoulders The Bra That Tried to Kill Me

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The Bra That Tried to Kill Me

At first it seemed like the same to me. It had smooth straps that felt wide enough not to tear my shoulders. It had underwire thick enough for a space shuttle (but made for a woman…).

It was not pretty, however, as many “grown-up” people share. I wanted a beautiful bra despite my husband’s opinion about bras: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”.

I felt the perfect bra so I felt supported and everything was in place so I looked a little thinner. I took very good care of it as instructed on the care tag.

Then something happened. It started as a little poke on the side, under my arm. I ignored it at first, thinking I could just readjust. Every time I washed it, I would pull the wire back and forth, each time the hole would get bigger.

Eventually, I was simultaneously stabbed in the rib cage and armpit with a rogue piece of underwire. I fought it, but the broad piece of weight-bearing underwear remained, my ribs and armpits bravely defending themselves.

We read about new scientific discoveries every day. Scientists have sent people into space. New drugs are designed to treat many disorders and diseases. Every time a new drug hits the market, we see ads that end with a soft-spoken narrator—with his teeth—saying that their drug “may cause…” and then quickly rattle off a terrifying list of side effects, everything from high blood pressure to stigma. See!

There are brilliant engineers who build sophisticated bridges and overpasses, roller coasters, complex pieces of machinery and massive buildings that can withstand earthquakes!

Why hasn’t anyone been able to develop the perfect bra? I know there’s a brilliant female engineer out there who wakes up in the morning, puts the girls in their place and thinks “there’s a better way!”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for modern scientific discoveries! And I’m not suggesting that chest support is as important as curing the disease. But if brilliant minds came up with those little blue pills we all know about—thanks to those obscure ads (bathtubs next door, etc.) then why can’t anyone figure out how to keep girls? Without breaking your back, teething your shoulders, scrubbing everything else in the wash, or trying to kill us? And, if it’s not too much trouble, can one of us at the top end of the cup chart make some of them pretty?

I am happy to say that, in the end, I overcame the terror. I used a slightly worn part of myself against him and pulled the killer underwire out of him! (Why was the underwire so sharp? Who thought of running it through a stone before putting it in some poor, unsuspecting woman’s underwear?).

It is not the same, not strongly supported. But at least I can wear it without fearing a punctured lung and having to explain to the good folks at the ER.

I’m an underwire warrior!

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