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How Are You Supposed To Apologize To The Wife Whose Husband You Have Been Sleeping With?

Many conversations about infidelity are initiated by someone who is trying to save their marriage. It’s rare to hear from someone who has no part in the marriage, but sometimes it happens. One occasionally hears from the “other woman” who feels some sadness or remorse. At times, she loses the desire to contact her wife. She just wants someone to listen and she doesn’t need to be that person’s wife.

There are times when the other woman claims it’s an overwhelming need to communicate directly with her wife to make some kind of apology. Here’s what you can hear: “I can’t say I had an affair with a married man. I don’t consider it an affair. I had sex with a colleague while we were at a conference. It happened twice. Over the weekend and never again. .I strongly feel that this would never have happened if we weren’t in such close quarters drinking together.I’m not even attracted to that guy.And I avoid him at work.I’m also married.So I know how much it would be if my partner cheated. would be devastating. I feel so terrible about it sometimes I can think. I’ve met another man’s wife briefly at work -together and she’s so sweet. I can’t stop thinking about her and how sad I feel. I’m Facebook friends with her. , but we are not close friends. Based on some of her posts, I’m sure her husband either told her about the fling or she found out about it from other co-workers. However, seeing her current post and based on this, I Enjoyed the photo, looks like they are trying to work it out. I want to apologize to her, but I’m not sure of the best way to go about it. How do I do that?”

I’m going to try to say this as gently as possible. But as a woman who lived on the other side of the fence when I was cheating and trying to rebuild my marriage, I absolutely do not want you to do that.

why Because I don’t see helping the wife at all. I don’t see any upside for her. You say she looks like she’s trying to move on. So what will your sudden arrival do for her? It will bring back bad memories. It can stunt her progress. Sure, you’ll feel better getting this off your chest. But you care for her, don’t you?

If that’s true, and you really and truly want to do what’s best for her, then my suggestion is to do nothing. I know this is not what you wanted to hear. But I think it’s best for her if you step back and leave her and her husband alone. If she feels a burning need to talk to you, she will talk to you. But I think it’s best to respect her privacy and her marriage and leave this in the past, where it belongs.

I can only speak for myself, but if “the other woman” had suddenly stood up and expressed that she wanted to tell me how sorry she was, I would not have welcomed it. I would have seen no point in it, and this intrusion would not have helped me or given me anything other than frustration or awkwardness. Of course, everyone is different but I rarely see a meeting or interaction between a wife and another woman going well. I almost never seem to achieve anything positive in this situation.

You’ll feel better if you journal about why you’re sorry and what you’re doing in your own life to make it right. What you are really after is to be able to release your emotions. There’s a way to get it done without bringing anyone else down or involving anyone else. Your grief is truly yours. And there is nothing wrong with expressing it to yourself.

Because I suspect that what the wife wants is not your pity or forgiveness. She probably wants to move on with her life. And she’s not allowed to do that when you suddenly pop up. She suddenly has to stop her pace and revisit the past. I can only speak for myself, but this kind of hiatus would not be welcome or healthy in my view. I suspect that if she wants to communicate, she will let you know. Otherwise, it is better for both families to try to move on and deal with their own household.

If you say that there is nothing between you and another man, and there never will be, then why draw out what is long and what was never meant to begin with?

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