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World Chess Championship Literally Goes Down The Toilet

Sometimes the world of cartoons, at least as reflected in the colorful pictures and headlines of the mass media, is so lurid that a real-world headline in a humor magazine is just right. Take the ridiculous bauble that prompted this article. It appeared in a less prestigious place than the front page of The New York Times on the Web: “Bathroom Dispute Halts Chess Championship.”

We could have gone with that. No doubt about it.

But we prefer to see everyday playfulness through our own eyes, so we redid a little.

In case you missed the debacle, the World Chess Championship was halted after Russia’s Vladimir Kramnik was locked out of his private bathroom because he often went there and cheated. Predictably enough, the bathroom was part of both players’ private areas that were not under video surveillance.

Kramnik lost the fifth game of the match in anger at what he perceived as an insult to his personal dignity.

Earlier in the day, his opponent’s team had lodged a written protest with the World Chess Federation on behalf of Bulgaria’s Veselin Topalov over Kramnik’s frequent bathroom breaks.

The federation responded by locking the private bathrooms of both players and telling them to use the same bathroom for the rest of the match.

To go on strike at the start of the next game, Mr. Kramnik walked to his private area and took a seat outside his private area, demanding that it be unlocked. When the organizers refused, he did not resume his participation and the game was forfeited to Topalov. He was leading the match 3-1, needing 6.5 points to win.

Demanding the reopening of his bathroom, Kramnik said, “My reputation does not allow me to stand in this situation.”

Mr Kramnik’s manager fired off a letter demanding the committee be replaced and the decision to lock players out of their private bathrooms reversed. He declared that his client’s frequent trips to the bathroom were due to the fact that he drinks a lot of water during sports and likes to speed up. Since the private rest area is too small for his access, he “also uses the bathroom space.”

The letter said Mr Kramnik would not continue unless the federation was “prepared to respect Mr Kramnik’s right to use the toilet in his own toilet whenever he wants.”

Topalov’s manager, meanwhile, retracted his own message, saying that the players must be accompanied by the match referee to the bathroom, as the new rule would allow Kramnik to “visit the new bathroom an unlimited number of times without being subject to further control.” He added that if the match continued, his client ” will avoid shaking hands with Mr Kramnik before games and will not participate in joint press conferences with him.”

Play, we assume, eventually resumed. But, to the dignity of the match, the handle had already been pressed.

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