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The Nowhere Man – A Short Story
Ernie walked over to the bed from the spare bedroom and stomped nonchalantly onto the table. Recently, he had taken to calling the spare bedroom his bedroom. This started to bother Michelle. She poured a cup of coffee into her favorite to-go cup and began to think about the long, grueling drive to work.
“I’ll have a cup.” Ernie said with a yawn. Michelle glared at him, but he didn’t notice, he was too busy changing channels on the television to Michelle’s morning news program. Dave came out of the bedroom, so she stared at him. Dave shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee and kissed Michelle on the head.
“I’ll have a cup if you’re coming this way.” Ernie said again. Dave poured himself another cup and walked over to sit next to Ernie, who had settled on SportsCenter on ESPN. “Da-dah-dah, dah-dah-dah…” Ernie hummed, mimicking the short, weird theme song of a sports show. “How was that game yesterday?” Ernie said, raising his hands in the air for a high five without taking his eyes off the television. Dave waved absently after downing two cups of coffee and sitting next to Ernie.
“That was great,” Dave replied, “Hopefully Monday night’s game will be as good as tonight.”
“Can’t wait,” Ernie replied. “You bring that beer home tonight. It looks like it’ll be good.”
“Good idea. I’ll stop by on my way home from work and pick some up.” Dave agreed,
“Hey,” Ernie yelled as he sipped his coffee, “man, you forgot the cream.”
Michelle’s head dropped and her shoulders slumped. “I’m going to work.” She said and headed for the door.
– – – – – –
“Go-go-go-go!” As Michelle opened the front door to enter her home, the voices grew louder. It had been a long day at work and all she wanted to do was take a hot bath and go to bed. She recognized Ernie’s loud, unpleasant voice, but he wasn’t alone. Sounds like Ernie’s gag. Michelle entered the room and saw half a dozen of Dave’s old college friends, all laughing at Ernie as he did a touchdown dance in front of the television and spilled mostly empty, crushed beer cans into the new carpet.
Dave noticed Michelle and stood up. “Hey baby, there’s a pizza on the counter. I brought you one with ham and pepperoni, just the way you like it.” Dave leaned in and kissed her, but she just stared at him.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” She said quietly, then went into the bedroom. Dave followed her.
“Ooooooh…” Ernie cooed, “Davy’s in trouble, Davy’s in trouble.” The guys all snickered. Ernie was always the life of the party, Michelle believed he was the life of the Nazi party, but Dave loved his old friend.
Dave closed the door and turned to her. “What happened?” he asked.
“Seriously? You’re asking me that? Ernie isn’t enough; we have to have a frat party Monday night? I have to get up early tomorrow, today was a nightmare, we almost lost the Cleanart account and I have to save it tomorrow, if that’s humanely enough.” If possible.”
“They just came for a game, honey. I’m sorry. I’ll shut them up and get them out of here soon, I promise. I’ll take you a hot bath and get you pizza and some wine. It’ll be for a while. It’s a really big game. .”
Michelle massaged her temples and began to undress for the bath. She loved Dave with all her heart, but things were really starting to get to her.
“Listen,” Dave said over the sound of the bathwater coming from the bathroom, “I really appreciate how you’re handling this, and I’m going to show you how much. We’ll get away this weekend, and things will be back to normal soon enough.”
– – – – – –
The next morning Michelle woke up feeling hungover, even though she only drank two glasses of wine and went to bed. Once in bed she couldn’t sleep, the loud and always boisterous Ernie, who celebrated every touchdown and made loud jokes about women in every commercial. She got about 3 hours of good sleep.
Michelle desperately needed a cup of coffee, but she had to rush to work. She went to get her cup of coffee that she took with her every morning. Her mission was her salvation. The cup was not in the cupboard and it was not in the dishwasher. After a frustrating search, she found it on the table next to the sofa, where Ernie had passed out. It smelled of alcohol and had ash in it. When Michelle washed the cup and decided it was time, she was hazy.
– – – – – –
Michelle sat quietly in her chair. It was after 6:30. She had been home from work for more than an hour. Dave was sitting next to her watching television. Ernie walks out in his bathrobe, obviously just woken up. He walked over to the refrigerator, fumbled around, and pulled out a bottle of wine. He opened it and took a long round straight from the bottle.
“Hey…” he cried, “nothing like dog hair.” He wandered off and plopped down on the couch next to Dave.
“I was saving it.” Michelle said looking at Ernie and her husband.
“Sorry,” Ernie shrugged and took another pill, “that’s the only booze in the house. I’ll replace it, promise.” Ernie offered Michelle a bottle if she wanted a drink and she frowned. Dave accepted the bottle and took a drink.
“Speaking of changing stuff,” Michelle began, “how’s the job hunt going? It’s been two weeks since you lost it. I thought you said it only took a week or two to get back on your feet?”
“It’s tough, the job market is bad right now, and I have to find work under the table. Need to be off the grid. I hate taxes.”
“Well, I found some leads in the paper on the counter over there. I circled them for you.”
Ernie polished off the rest of the bottle and stood on his feet, stretching. “Good,” he yawned, “and thank you very much. I’ll follow up with them tomorrow. Not feeling too well today, so I’m going to bed. Have a nice and early start tomorrow.”
Ernie walked back into the spare bedroom and closed the door. Michelle stared at Dave, who just looked sheepish.
– – – – – –
Later that night, Ernie tossed and turned in his bed. He can hear Michelle and Dave arguing through the thin walls. She wanted him to go, but Ernie knew that Dave couldn’t get him out; They went back a long, long time together. Finally, the argument ends when Dave takes the plunge and takes Ernie’s side, putting Michelle in her place. Dave wasn’t going to turn on his friend in a time of need like this, and both Ernie and Michelle knew it. Things would be awkward between them from moment to moment, but Ernie knew it would pass. He curled up and puffed his pillow, relaxing.
‘As long as Dave’s on my side,’ Ernie thought to himself, ‘Man, I’m not going anywhere.’
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