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Defining Moments, Insights and Affirmations That Help Us Survive Abuse

For those who have been victims of one or more types of abuse in ideal families, some describe a defining moment that made them feel like living in hell and snap out of it.

An intuitive insight or a surprising event creates a breakthrough by paving the way for an emotional escape into the light of a healthy life. Have you ever had a moment like this?

Last week, famed playwright, director and actor Tyler Perry spoke publicly for the first time about his troubled childhood on The Oprah Winfrey Show. He personally thanked Oprah and, speaking on behalf of his millions, described a defining moment in his life twenty years ago when Oprah encouraged viewers who had been victims of abuse to write about their experiences and come forward.

She said that writing and speaking act as a catharsis for healing to regain strength and control over a lost soul. i agree

I recently spoke with a woman who asked my thoughts on why some of us make it through the dark shadows of childhood and some of us don’t. She is working with her husband in a loving successful marriage of fifteen years and her brother is a drug addict who is slowly and surely destroying himself and has been for the last thirty years. Is it luck, something in our constitution, or our connection to a higher power, that keeps us standing in the ring, refusing to throw in the towel?

She shared an amazing incident at her defining moment, when on the brink of suicide she literally made a deal with God. “If there is any reason for me to be alive, if you have any plans for me to fulfill, let the phone ring at 8:00 this evening,” she announced. “I thought how brave of me to challenge the Almighty but I was in such pain that I needed a sign. I was really ready to die”. As the appointed time approached, she resigned herself to end her life, consoling herself with happy images of heaven and the afterlife. At 8.00 pm for some reason she decided to pick up the phone. There was no dial tone. “Hello” Dee said. “D, this is your mother. What happened, the phone never rang”? “Mom why are you calling”? “I just had this feeling to call you and tell you I love you. Your dad and I are on our way to bingo so I can’t wait too long” she explained…

Tyler Perry describes memories of dissociation and the terrifying sensation of leaving his physical body to separate from the physical and psychological abuse he endured. Separation was not scary for me. Somehow shifting my attention away from how I was feeling made it easier to notice the thoughts and feelings around me. My intuition became a self-defense mechanism that wards off illness in my home. And the defining moment in my life was the first confirmation that my insight was correct. Knowing that I could rely on a part of me that no one could touch or invade kept my integrity and sanity.

“Intuition is the inner light of the mind”. The Paul Brunton Notebook

None but those who knew my father intimately would describe him as a soft-spoken, warm-hearted, generous man, which he was on the outside. He was very emotionally disturbed and had serious issues with women, his ability as a man, and his sexuality. The central walls of Playboy and Penthouse papered his home office which I found offensive and embarrassing. I lost respect for my father as a man. I really hated him and struggled with the guilt of these feelings for years. His attitude and behavior was brazen like that of a teenager. I apologized countless times for his flirtatious and insistent sexual comments and accusations about my girlfriends and any attractive woman who happened to be on our outings. But I was not fully aware of his grudges until I left home.

Anita and her one-year-old daughter came to live with us when I was sixteen. My father hired her as my companion and our housekeeper. She and her baby were like angels on earth bringing joy to my life for the first time. Shortly after I went to college, she left and remarried. My father lived with his fourth and last wife and her two children. He hired a young foreigner as a caretaker. She was just one year older than me. Being away from home was more of a breath of fresh air. I don’t remember the events that happened. The thought just rang clear in my mind like a bell that my father was having sex with B, the new housekeeper. And at the same time I realized that he was also having an affair with Anita. But insight was not enough. How can I confirm this? It felt like my life depended on knowing if my intuition was right, the defining moment I mentioned.

I return home once a month to visit my half-brother and half-sister and my beloved sheep dog. One of these weekends I had a private time to speak with Bea and encounter her as she grew in confidence. I lied and told her that I had already spoken to my father who confessed his love. I reluctantly accepted. It was somewhat comforting that she confessed. And then I went to my father. He had no line of defense. I spoke to Anita shortly after and she also confirmed her involvement.

We cannot control the events of our past but we can certainly change how we feel about what happened and free our souls to find true love and purpose.

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