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Warning – The I Stands For Impersonal, Don’t Get Caught in the Trap
That’s right you are reading correctly. The i Stands for Impersonal.
* information age=impersonal
* instant messaging=impersonal
It is the dawning of a new era, whereas our technology is creating and evolving our society into a people not having inter-personal skills. Everybody loves to Text and IM and no longer wish to hear another humans voice. I myself Text (Text Message), IM (Instant Message) or Email (Electronic Mail) someone for specific purposes and I have always thought that is what this technology is for. I have always been kept current with the latest technology. I grew up with a father that back in the 70’s we had a lot of technology in possession of and around for us to utilize.
We had in our home a great big free standing copy machine with 4 different selections of paper and enlargement and reduction with a reversing automatic document feeder which allowed for double-sided copies. This was something that only big companies with multiple employees had but it was in our foyer. If we walked into the library (the one in our house) we had an assortment of typewriters depending on what you had to do. We had a dictating machine, most people don’t even know what that is. We had a fax machine. In my dad’s suburban he had a telephone. How many people do you know that had a telephone in their car in the 70’s. The thing was huge We always had pagers. Back then the pager would beep and you would have to call into a telephone service to get the message.
As I got older and technology grew I made it a point to keep current with it. My first computer was an IBM. This was the 80’s.It had two disk drives, one for the program that you were using and the other to save your work. They didn’t have the type of hard drives we have now. In the early 80’s my pager became digital and also with an 800 number. People could call my 800 number and leave either a voice message or put in their number and it would show up on my digital LED display on the pager and I would call them back, if they left a voice message, my 800 number would be on the display. In the early 90’s my pager became real unique. It grew in size with a LCD screen and people could call my 800 number and select from a menu to punch in their number for me to call back or they could elect to speak to a live operator and that person would type in a message into special software and then send that right to my pager.
You could also fax to the pager as well. It was called a SkyPager. At this time I also had a car phone and a handheld phone, which now everybody has. Back then I had a company called Bell Atlantic which is now Verizon Wireless. My contract was $35.00 per month plus $0.36 cents per minute. My average phone bill was approximately $650 to $800 per month. Nobody had them. Out of all the people I hung around with, I did not know anyone with one except for the people I worked with and of course my father who was the Vice-President of the corporation. My SkyPager was $45.00 per month plus $0.50 cents per message that was typed in by the live operator. At our office my secretary had the software on her computer which was connected to the internet so she could type in messages at no additional cost. At home I had multiple computers and of course they were on a local area network so if there was info on computer c when I was working on computer a, I could still get to the info on computer c or even computer b if I desired.
I had an internet account back then. It was 1994 and AOL was new but yet growing huge. They had plenty of money to do it with. Back then they gave away their software Cd’s everywhere for that gave a person X amount of minutes for free on their site and on the World Wide Web. I can remember those bills after the free trial period was up. I would pay some months upwards of $200.00 for my AOL Account and another $150.00 for my phone bill because the local number for my modem to call , the modem was a slow one and of course I had the fastest 14.4k and I used a long distance number to get to a faster modem otherwise it would take too long for the pages to load. Nowadays people don’t know about that. Now you put in a URL and hit enter and it is up in about one second back then a page could take 30 seconds or longer depending on the file size of images that had to be loaded.
Enough about the old days and old technology. I am sure that you realize that I am an expert in today’s technology. I didn’t even mention my extensive training in computers, networking, office equipment, even electronics and white goods believe it or not and I’ll throw in one more, automobiles. I have worked for and/or represented some of the top corporations of America such as Compaq, Packard Bell, IBM, Sharp Electronics, Mitsubishi, Toshiba, Minolta, Canon, Maytag, General Electric, Amana, Frigidaire, Chevrolet, Ford, Dodge and there’s more. While working for or representing those companies I always utilized all the current technology, however I always understood the importance of face to face or voice communication.
All of today’s technology keeps us from having what is important in our life and that is a proper foundation for relationships. Some of the most important things to us in our lives is our relationships. The most important thing to me is my relationship with God. Second: My relationships with my Family, Relatives and Friends. Recently I have had some interesting experiences in which I was establishing friendships with some people and the efforts went sour. To me the word Friend has a great meaning. Wikipedia defines Friendship as:
* Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other’s company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.
I was in a house fire in May 2008 my injuries were severe and permanent. (It happened in a different state that I live in now. I use to live here before but the friends I had were getting involved in things that I had no interest in because they were illegal activities. I was gone many years) I had been in a coma for just over a month and it took several months for me to re-learn many things that we take for granted such as walking, reaching, grabbing, and holding. For many months my physical therapy went on until I reached a certain point that they could ship me out of this special unit I was in to a regular hospital which I stayed at for some time however they didn’t keep up the therapy but they did ship me to a nursing home. The nursing home gave me freedom to come and go.
One of my old co-workers which I believed was a friend came by regularly. She was kind, I thought, as well as her husband and child. She use to pick me up on Wednesday’s and take me to the store and I would always buy us lunch. I had some money put away but it only lasted a few months and so did that supposed friendship. As soon a the money was gone so was she. That is not all. As I was trying to get back to work I had been talking to my boss about getting put back on the schedule and he gave me a date and she took me to the mall to buy new uniforms and shoes and then to look for an apartment to rent because my house burned down and I lost everything. Then just before the start date came I went in to talk to my boss and he said something came up and I wasn’t needed but I could take this different position starting a few weeks later then just before that job came up I went in and he changed his mind again.
Well here is what was taking place, I would be talking to him and he would be telling me of upcoming positions and then I would get in this ladies truck for us to go to lunch and I would tell her what took place during our meeting and she would go back and get the job for her husband. It took me several months to realize this. I had actually gone out with a different friend one day and we had lunch at the restaurant that I had previously worked at and their was my friend’s husband doing the job that I was supposed to have and then of course I found out he also had gotten the other two jobs that I was suppose to have started. Just to clarify about the boss, he was new. Although I had the best of schedules before the fire and the best position that was because I had a great boss at that time and the new boss was just an Assistant boss back then.
So is this how a relationship is suppose to work? I think not. Her and I were just building a relationship to become a friendship. I was always leery about her cause she use to call me her friend, closest friend, best friend, when really we weren’t friends. To me a friendship can take many years to establish and for that first 6 months to a year you are just establishing and building the foundation of what your relationship will be built upon. Recently I started hanging out with one of my neighbors. Now granted I cannot do all that much because I still have the physical ailments from the fire but there are many things I can in which we did. One problem I had with him though was his constant lying. He lied about anything and everything. So what do you do when that happens in the very beginning and during the building of that friendship? Easy answer; Get rid of that person from your life. Nobody needs that aggravation.
The i Stands for Impersonal…When hiding behind a screen or monitor for long periods of time a person loses the interest and desire to want to see other people and to want to hear another’s voice. While this has not happened to me, I have been in touch (through Email, Text, and IM) with several people who have lost that interest and desire and in addition the actual abilities to deal with others face to face and by voice communication. Recently I have helped several people to build a website for their business and/or hobby. One person I had met in a membership site and she would only communicate with me through private messages through that site and not by email which saves a lot of time because you don’t have to keep logging in to that membership site. I finally told her I couldn’t help her unless she emailed me.
I think she was afraid of me having her email address, however I was helping her to get her website up and running and I knew her name. So automatically I knew her email address it was: [email protected] People are crazy. Somebody else that I had spent numerous and I mean NUMEROUS hours helping to get their site up and to learn add-ons to the site recently became one of those people, actually I guess this person was always like that. However with the type of help that person needed in the beginning required us to talk on the phone. So her and I spoke on the phone a few times but we emailed everyday and sometimes IM’d.
I don’t know about you but when I am at the computer, I am busy working. It is my job. My computer (as I feel) was only for social use when I was young and first got an AOL Account in the mid 90’s and got into those Chat Rooms. Once I learned that money can be made online, the computer became a tool, just like a wrench to a Mechanic, a pen to an Accountant, or a truck to a courier. I will have some friends email me and some IM me. When they do email me some I will respond to right away. When someone IM”s me, if I want to IM with that person then, I will. IM and even a conversation in email (going back and forth) is very disrupting with IM’s being the most disrupting of all due to the speed and frequency. I normally will respond and give that person about 5-10 minutes of IM’s and if I want to talk further I normally ask if it’s convenient that I call because I am trying to get something done on the computer. If you feel you have to ask someone if it is convenient to call then you must not have much of a relationship anyhow, however, you still want to try to take away the impersonal and develop a relationship whether it be business or personal.
I only have one computer and one set of hands. When you IM with someone you cannot get anything done in between the messages, it is too quick. I see nothing wrong with talking on the phone with someone while getting things done on the computer. Recently, I had someone get all bent out of shape and it has actually happened before a couple times just not to this degree and that is because I didn’t kiss butt and sweep it away, there comes a time when enough is enough. High School was years ago let’s leave those traits behind us. I see no problem with IM’ing with someone for a period of time and then when you realize that the conversation could go on for a long period you kindly ask if it is OK to call to carry on the conversation so you can get some work done. Hey, if someone called you on your cell phone, you may talk to them for a bit but when you realize the conversation may go awhile you might ask if you can call them back from the house phone. If someone called you while you were in the middle of cooking dinner you might ask that person if you can get back to them later. We have all different types of scenario’s that may take place, none of them are wrong and all of them are right.
What type of person make’s rules of how you are suppose to have a conversation with them? Who needs a person in their life that places boundaries on such a subject such as; “How to have a conversation with so and so?” I had this person actually tell me that I should have told her when she first IM’d me, that I was busy. Now she knows all I do is work on my websites because I have just started creating them. I have 14 domains that I am working on. Some are e-commerce sites. I met this person in a membership site, not one of those Social Networks where grown adults play games. I see people that do that stuff for hours on end. Good for them, they found something that interests them and keeps them occupied because, I guess, they have nothing better to do.
Let me tell you I use technology for what is meant for. The only time I text someone is to send a quick message or because I don’t want to talk to them or I don’t want to hear their response. The only time I use IM’ing is to have a brief conversation and mainly to just find out if it is a convenient time for that person to talk on the phone. E-Mail is for things that need to arrive faster that snail mail and to save money over snail mail, also to send folders, files, pictures etc.
Listen, in the information age it is easy to get caught up in all this impersonal technology, however, you should not hide behind this monitor you should pick up the phone and hear the warmth of a person’s voice. Go knock on a door and feel the warmth of a person and their voice. In addition never tell someone your IM’ing who ask’s if they can call you because they need their computer and wish to keep talking to you, never tell them they should of told you in the beginning they were busy and then start an argument with them just so you don’t have to talk to that person, be honest and upfront and tell the person you would rather not speak to them on the phone, and especially don’t go to that person with some psychological B.S. if you don’t have a degree.
Even after all that which actually only took minutes to occur, I still sent that person a thirty dollar software program at no charge, all I asked was for feedback about the download and that person couldn’t even do that. When meeting these type of people on the internet run from them. There is nothing wrong with meeting someone in a special membership club and giving your number and talking to that person from time to time. Once you have some difficulties, if it is in the beginning, then run fast. It will only get worst, actually, there is a minute possibility that it may get better but why take the chance. You are going to meet a lot of people here that will accept all the help you offer and then when tyou ask for one thing, they won’t do it or say; “How can I be of help.” Don’t let that stop you, there is a lot of good people out there as well. The rotten one’s show their bad side within a couple to a few weeks so know love lost there.
Do not allow for today’s technology to hinder your abilities to create, establish and maintain personal relationships in your life. Stay in contact with as many people as possible whether business or personal. Emotion is not carried through on printed text, neither is all the definitions and explanations of your topic of discussion. You can only send so much information at once and it is easy, easy to be misunderstood.
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