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The Narcissist Method: How Narcissists Control You in 3 Steps
I’m going to show you the exact method a narcissist uses to manipulate your mind so they can get to you and satisfy their needs and put up with their bad behavior. Narcissists are difficult, but they are also very stable and have very visible behaviors when you are taught how to recognize them.
Narcissists have unresolved issues that they are forced to deal with frequently, constantly. When this increase in negative emotions hits, their way to ease the pain is to mentally torture others into accepting their existence. All Narcissists use this method because it does three things for them:
• It immediately removes from them. They see it as your problem, not theirs. You are the one who has problems and they don’t have problems. When you are upset and do something bad, it makes them feel better, especially if they are the ones who hurt you.
• Feels like a good person in the process, another narcissistic need, although the social definition of good means different things to different experts.
• And finally, they enjoy hurting you. They get your pleasure and pain. It gives them a sense of power and control over you, which in turn makes them feel free and independent.
They have an inner need to dump their problems on you, but they can’t look bad while doing it or they have nothing to do with it.
They must be your “friend” to take advantage of the opportunity to “help” you with the problem they just created for you. Narcissists always make sure there is more trouble for them to take advantage of. If there is no problem, they will make one.
So the problem is not the problem itself, the problem is that they need a solution right now and they have to create a problem to find it. That’s how they don’t turn anything into something they can use against you for years and years, and build one after the other.
Here is their schedule:
1. Create a problem that affects you, then take responsibility for it and fix it.
It has to affect you because then they can turn it right so you can be the one to fix it. Not only is it affecting, but you caused it, you are the source of the problem and your behavior needs to be corrected by them. You are responsible and accountable for this problem, because it affects what you did, such as leaving clean clothes in the dryer for too long.
Creating challenges is the hard part, so they often make a list of things they can use. This list grows over time, and they always find and keep new angles to confuse you.
Spinning is the easy part, because you will do the work for them with your confidence. They have already chosen you and chosen you to be a victim, and that you will face the consequences of their cruelty. While making a problem requires proof, putting it all on you is personal and emotional; it does not require reason or reason. They make you feel like it’s your fault, and being the good person you are, you rush/climb down to fix it.
The problem is, leaving clean clothes in the dryer is not enough reason and it cannot be said that they are being abused, so they must make it worse than it is or it will look bad.
What will be the problem? Well, it all depends on your lifestyle and lifestyle. Narcissists turn positive behaviors into negative behaviors that haunt them. No matter what you do, they will find something wrong with you. They have to challenge you as a person if you want to be a doormat.
You are unique that sets you apart from everyone else and that is the biggest risk to them. By insulting the things you hold dearest about yourself, they kill two birds with one stone by not only taking away your source of strength against them but also turning it into a weapon against you. If you are a person on earth, they will find something that is “wrong” with you.
2. See yourself as the victim of this problem and the only one who can solve it
It is important that the distinction is made without saying: you caused the problem and they are the ones suffering from it, which makes you feel guilty and bad. Unless you did something to stop it, you did it on purpose and took pleasure in hurting them.
Now you push into higher gear and go in there trying to solve the problem, but something strange happens: they prevent you from solving the problem, they block you strongly and make you think twice.
Why? Because you can’t solve the problem, you can’t. If you do this you will be good and redeem yourself for their cruelty. They should be the ones to do it, because they are very big. They don’t have to solve it because they are not responsible for it, but they will because they are such wonderful people.
3. Now That You’re Worth It, They Will Reduce You And Set You Up For Failure.
The goal here is to make you feel like you weren’t good enough and that you didn’t fail them not because of your hard work but because you’re not good enough. Please remember that no matter what you do, you will fail, they have already seen that.
If you somehow manage to overcome their barriers and solve the problem, they should retaliate by not being satisfied with your solution. This is very difficult because now they have to abuse you in a different, more direct way to get their anger out.
Now they just need to steal from you, put up with it and “solve” the problem themselves. As you may have guessed, there is no problem solving. Since he is the one who caused the problem, he has the power to solve it by not bringing it up again.
It’s “resolved” because he felt good and made you feel bad. This problem has served its true purpose of hiding the problem itself and can now disappear.
They feel better because now they have their release, they no longer feel like they are feeling sorry for themselves and their self-image is not only intact, but empowered and flawless. Yours, however, are not and are worse now than before this “problem”.
The problem was that he felt bad and needed to get rid of you. They lose it because they can’t explain it, let alone accept it. All they know is that they feel bad and treating you badly makes them feel better.
Solving the problem makes things difficult for them and you. They will not be released, they feel bad and find another way to reach you, maybe it’s the same problem but maybe it’s a new one.
Thanks for reading!
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